Sunday, December 11, 2011
alright
im officially 19.
i hope no one actl still reads this.
cos im pretty sure im gonna start pouring my heart out.
spent my 19th birthday with loads of stuff.
busy max
and tiring max.
i believe my 19th birthday was the worst one i had ever.
its not becos of my friends.
u guys were really awesome.
helping me celebrate and such.
but.
i just didnt expect meself to celebrate it in such a tired manner.
thanks athena.
for the birthday celebration.
at town. lol
i wanna kill myself for wearing that stupid heels. haha.
and impre ppl of cos.
although i hardly know any of u at all.
but thanks for the thought man.
really appreciate it
plus all the ppl that wished me happy birthday.
might be just a fb notification
but at least u guys made an effort.
even chongming called from phillipines or sth (maybe he's still in singapore)
to tell shengyong to wish me happy birthday!
awesome him.
ok shall pour my heart out.
so yeap
just when the clock striked 12am and its finally not my birthday.
i broke
yea.
idk isit becos of the shagness
or isit becos of the fact that im having my period now
but i just couldnt take it anymore.
it all started with my journey back home on the bus.
when qimei alighted and im alone.
i started to think.
and yeap.
so many things happened on my day.
things that really make me feel happy.
sad
annoyed.
touched.
and of all the things that happened.
what happened in the day made me reflected the most.
well.
i washed the first car in my entire life on my birthday. thats definitely a good reflection. lol.
now i know i can help wash my father's car already. haha.
well.
of cos its not only this thing.
the other issue too.
it made me started to really think of what i did.
and the feelings aft i did it.
guilt?
or is it actl more of regret?
idk.
i tell myself it has been guilt all along.
but aft ytd
im not sure whether thats true aft all.
i found myself
trying to think of what to say.
so as not to make things difficult.
even at one time when i stupidly mentioned spongebob's name.
i thought i saw sth in your eyes.
and i immediately regretted.
ugh.
stupid me.
and i found myself.
taking note of your every action
somehow thinking.
why did u do it.
what are u feeling.
how shld i react.
omg im such a bitch right
i really hate myself for thinking whatever i thought ytd.
GOSH U SUCK THZ.
i guess we wont interact much aft ytd
well.
i dowanna do the avoiding thing
i know i cant avoid forever.
but perhaps
or maybe
this will, die down one day.
and yeap.
i will stop feeling that way.
crap i feel like crying just typing this thing out.
i think its really the hormones.
i guess. i just need to figure out what im really thinking huh?
and stop being a bitch.
really.
stop.
huiZhi-.
|4:51 AM|
